ABUSIVE PATTERNS IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE CAN EASILY MISS
Why did I chose this title ? Because when the abuse is subtle, it can be easily missed but over a long period of time it can affect you deeply. I am saying this from personal experience. It affects your mental state, your self-worth and your happiness of course but the beautiful part of this process is that the abuse is so subtle that you can’t really lay your finger on anything. And what happens then , you tend to blame yourself. When an already unhappy person blames themselves, it leads to utter chaos inside and maybe outside. So I am just here to help you lay that finger on the right thing and not on yourself, because God knows I have blamed myself s many times for the wrong reasons but not anymore. Not anymore. So let’s dive in to find out those pearls of wisdom, shall we now ?
- Love Bombing : – When you have been alone for sometime and along comes someone who showers with you with endless attention and compliments. You will love it of course, but it’s the top most technique for manipulation. They will shift this love bombing to the next person once they have extracted everything they could have out of you and the whole deprivation will make you crazy. Therefore it’s a good idea to not indulge in this whole game and instead be in a healthy relationship where your partner is balanced from the beginning. Of course you can be with a romantic person who gives you attention, but take your time to determine their intention. All I am saying is don’t fall into this trap of love and attention when it is not even true love.
- Gaslighting :- This one is my favorite only because it has made me question my sanity, of course I had no idea about the whole phenomenon then. I can write a whole book on it but maybe later. So in this the partner would do something abusive and totally twists the reality of the events and deny any responsibility and they might even blame you every time you bring up the abusive pattern. So you should doubt your sanity because you are with an insanely narcissistic person, you yourself are fine . They will call you crazy but remember you are not, you are being abused. It deeply wounds you as the person you trust the most, probably, is acting like your worst enemy, but protect yourself.
- Conditional love :- A partner who puts conditions to love you and does not think or talk about what makes you happy. Like if someone says, we can be together but you can’t have a child. We can only be together if you look a certain way or earn this much. You might like them a lot but its probably a karmic relationship. They might come around, now you will say. Its true but mostly they don’t. If they really love they will change beforehand only, they won’t be able to help it. Do not fall into this trap of conditional love because you need someone.
- When you Partner refuses to take responsibility :- When your partner refuses to share responsibility. A relationship has not only financial , but even emotional and other aspects to it .It your partner puts the whole burden of the relationship on you, you will get tired and won’t be able to pursue your own goals and dreams. Therefore find someone who actually is equally excited to be with you and shares everything equally, even the burdens and responsibility. So that you can also fly.
- If your partner make you feel less than or pulls you down : if you partner does not believe n your unique capabilities and talents, why are you even with him/her ? Everyone is blessed with different gifts and your partners job is to support and encourage you, not to pull you down. If you feel your partner is undermining your achievements and all achievements are not weighed on a materialistic scale. May be you are making a greater difference in the world or even if you are not , no one should tell you that you are not good enough. Don’t believe them and if possible run far away from them, towards your dreams.
- Partner objectifies you : I am adding this as it has happened with me lately may be due to my past life karma. I don’t know why I am meeting people who totally objectify me and are just focused on how I look and how they can parade me in front of others. A person who does not even try to understand you as a human being and does not even talk about important things beforehand, how can we be with such a person ? Also I feel this one will want to keep you under their thumb, because a thing ( which is you, the object ) only has so many rights in the relationship. Be with someone who wishes to know you well. Someone who enjoys your life journey and hopes and ambitions and your quirks as a human being and also all the annoying things about you . Don’t be with someone who is only focused on the outer things and also don’t be that person.
Why have I poured my heart out and shared my experiences with you in this article is so that you can take a cue and remain vigilant in your choices going forward ? Its difficult to be alone but its way better than to be in an abusive relationship. So instead of being in this need based space of wanting a relationship let love surprise you. Build a happy life, a great social circle and work on your dreams. And remember Love always finds a way . Sending you some.