HOW TO DEAL WITH BLATANT SEXISM AND PATRIARCHY AND NOT GET AFFECTED BY IT
This article has been in my writing list for a very long time. I was very conflicted whether to even write it because its not even subtle or hidden, it is just there for all of us to see. If you are not facing it, you are extremely lucky or probably in denial. It’s like living with a giant dragon who keeps sleeping in your house and occasionally keeps burning you. Usually, we are so busy doing other things in life and really don’t know how to make this giant dragon leave our houses. Occasionally I feel like fighting but of course I am not winning. On top of that your family is feeding this dragon to make it stronger. What a fairytale? And no, we are not even being rescued, so what should be done? Should we dedicate our lives to fighting this huge ass animal, it’s too tiring, we all have tried, and we give up usually, then we fight and then give up again. It’s painful and heartbreaking, the only time I feel like a suffering princess. To do or not to do is the question. But for the love of GOD, I have a problem. I cannot make peace with wrong things in life. I really envy people who can, life would have been much easier if I could. Now that I cannot change myself and lose my true essence, so I have to fight. How do I kill this dragon? When we cannot win by brawn we win by brains. Scale by scale we have to chip this one. We have to protest, but not stand in front of it. We have to pick our battles, we will get burnt either way, but we can win some rounds. And when we do everybody wins. At this point I thank god I am not a fairytale writer. lol. I would write really depressing fairytales.
What should we do? When I don’t like a story, I don’t live in it. I leave. Even if not physically at least emotionally. How do we check out and stop getting affected by it so that we can focus on better things?
- We speak up: Don’t expect that you will get it, but make your displeasure known if anyone tells you otherwise. It’s your basic human right to be treated equally in every way. Please start by telling off people when they are not treating you equally. Be polite but be stern, this will be usually your family, so its not going to be easy. People will tell you that you are overreacting, you are imagining things but if you are feeling it, its probably true. So, trust your emotions on this one. You have to do this confrontation even if people call you a Chudail, for your own emotional health.
- Achieve total Financial Freedom : Learning about finances is never a bad thing. Be financial independent but also financially free. If is a long shot goal still start working on it. Participate in financial discussions, don’t shrug them off as boring or not your cup of tea. Financial freedom is when you can make your own financial decisions. Will you let someone who is not even giving you equal rights take financial decisions for you. Think about it.
- Learn to make your own decisions: If you do not make your decisions, others will make them for you. But darling they are usually really crappy and further ruin your life. Anyways you can always consult others but do what feels right to you. Especially if the discussion begins with, but you are a girl, totally diss that decision. Either way nothing will happen to you, so why don’t you do you ?
- Stop sacrificing and stop glorifying it : I am a really giving and generous person, but there is a point where your cup becomes empty. If someone tells you as a woman you have to be a sacrificial goat all the time, they are wrong. I am not saying don’t do anything for others, do it when you want to. Do it out of love, not out of obligation as a gender role. It will only make you bitter and unhappy. You decide how much you want to give of yourself. Work on your own goals, whatever they maybe.
- Let go of your fears : Have you ever wondered why are we stuck in this unfavourable situation since so long God only knows. We have been fed a lot of fear, let go of all your fears and limitations set by your family belief system. You can solo travel, you can go after your dreams, you can do anything, you can live alone. The sky is not going to fall on your head, but you might grow wings.
- Set Boundaries: See its easier said than done with your close ones but at some point you have to establish boundaries with them also. If they are not valuing you enough, and you love them. I am not saying let go of your generosity towards them and your love towards them. Set your own healthy boundary, like I don’t go out of my way for anyone who doesn’t do the same for me. It’s that simple. I retain my true essence of being a giving person with better boundaries.
- Emotionally detach: Sometimes things take time to change, self-realization for people around you might take a couple of years. So till then should we keep blaming ourselves or think something is wrong with us. We all have felt bad about something we haven’t even contributed to in the first place. You must emotionally detach from this situation and may be from these people also. Karm karon, phal ki iccha na karon ( Bhagvad Gita ). Go about living your life and stop feeling bad about it, focus on shining yourself so that people who undermine you will get some sense or not, who cares??
This article may trigger emotions and also please try this at home with discretion after having an extra dollop or two of courage. I take no responsibility of what happens whatsoever after. Just kidding or not, but Do it at your own time and pace, also judge your own situation and level of emotional strength. I just know You can do anything, even slay a dragon.