WHAT I WANT FROM OTHER WOMEN
We all are going through this and no one wants to talk about it and when I do I get absolutely no support from women. In fact, when I speak to them, they all look at me as if I am an alien, then they tell me something of the affect that I am overreacting, I should take it in my stride. Maybe I am defected, and I cannot do it , I don’t understand how these women do it, but I thank God that I am not wired like that, that at last I do react to what is wrong. At least there is some hope . No I am not a Feminist, in fact I feel that men are also suffering in this system, if you think this Patriarchy is helping men then you are a fool. I know numerous men who can not live the way they wish to because of so called duty and responsibility that is assigned to them without even asking them. Men have the same emotions like us, they are not even allowed to exhibit them. No, its not going to be men v/s women, so if you are disappointed already I cannot help you. This is about women treating other women mostly, the projections they are imposing on us, because they must have gone through it themselves. Its about how these women have patriarchy and sexism in their bones and DNA and they are unaware if it completely. This is not about pulling chairs, and paying bills, those are a non-issue, it is about equality at a basic human level. Let me give you some examples of what I wish other women would do for me.
1) I had someone come to me for counselling and she said to me “I have been taught that man is the breadwinner, and we have to respect him ”, so I told her I am not telling you to disrespect your man, I am telling you to respect yourself. It does not have to either or. Why are children not taught to respect a women’s contribution in terms of money or man labor. Why is that women not respecting herself? or do we just measure respect in terms of money, whoever gets the money, gets respect. I want women to teach their children to respect women and I want them to respect themselves.
2) With my ex, he always thought I was overreacting when there were direct attacks on my self-worth by his family. (hence the ex). I was expected to put it under the rug and move on, I could not do it and you know what was most disappointing was my mother felt the same. I don’t want if I have a daughter tomorrow, she has to choose between her self-respect and self-worth and her man. She should get both easily. I want women to support other women when they are standing up for themselves.
3) My ex-in-laws wanted me to work a 10 hour job, keep my house and look like a million bucks and they constantly talked about my appearance, they even tried to control what I should wear, so that didn’t work out. No, I am not a doll with an inbuilt vacuum cleaner and also, I get tired and I can not care about how I look on certain days. I want the freedom of not being perfect for all the women, because most of them are always tired including my own mother. Why do we always need to over stretch ourselves and by the way no man has ever told me to do that? No man has ever objected to me napping, because they think it is normal. It is all women pointing out the flaws, I want you all to chill a bit, life is not a competition and even if it is I am not participating. Women let other women rest., the world is not coming to an end and stop pushing them to be perfect.
4) Then there are these mean aunties who I am sure had a really unhappy life but meeting her and listening to her jibes came with the job description. Not to say they are extremely judgmental and regressive and bad tempered. I want the freedom to not hang with negative people who just want to torture others. I want women to give women around them this freedom instead of keeping up social appearances. Do I have to do the happy family drama when clearly everyone hates each other? Toxic Mami’s are not my scene, and also not they are making my life any easier. Anyone who doesn’t make my life easier is not allowed. Teach your girls discernment, and yes we can avoid people, the roof is not going to fall on our heads.
5) You know sexism and patriarchy follows you from your own home, so I cannot just blame the in-laws. Charity begins at home. So I want women to treat their girls and boys equally and not teach them wrong things. Don’t teach that little girl that marriage is her only hope in life, because it is not. Don’t teach that little boy that he has to make it big, may be he does not want to. Let it flow ladies.
6) Lastly from my friends I want to share my hopes, my dreams and my goals with you. I do not want to compete with you at any level. Anyone who has taught you , you need to compete with other women to be better, pls unlearn this . I want Girls clubs in offices who eat salads together ( because smoking is bad for hormones). Where are the girls club in offices?? I want women to not pit against each other and support each other to grow and learn.
7) I want women to choose courage to say what she wants. Every time you choose courage you are helping at least 7 generations ahead of you, so no you are not alone. I am not telling you to be aggressive, not telling you to fight, I am asking you to stand in your power and ask for what you deserve.
I want women to want to be treated well, because I don’t want a man I like to have easier options with low self-worth available. Do it for me.
8) Last but not the least I want women not to dim their light for any man. You don’t have to be the damsel in distress ladies for someone to like you. You can have it all together and you can be strong, you will get someone, trust me. Infact by being strong, you will get a lot more in life than just a man
9) Also I want you to not fight with men or blame them, its not their fault, its their fathers (and mothers) .I want you to teach them patiently , they will learn if you stand your ground but with love. It’s a lot of change for us to process and even bigger for them. Let’s find a way together and patience is our super power, at least evil aunties have contributed to our live in a way .
My dear women, can you do this much for me ….. I really hope so, because I am counting on you.